Two months ago, Derek told me, “You should play WoW because then I could tell people that wow, I found my dream girl.” Ignoring the hidden insult in that sentence, I thought, “Why would he want me to step over into ‘guys’ night’ territory by having me play WoW?”

I revisited that same quandary when earlier this month, Greg said, “Since you’re not really doing anything, you should learn to play Halo. Go play right now while I do homework.”

Shortly after, “How to Get Your Girlfriend to Stop Gaming” came up on my Gmail webclips.

After reading this article and “How to Get Your Girlfriend Into Gaming,” the article that inspired it, I would like to say that you should be careful what you wish for, friends, because you may regret asking me to start these things.

Apparently a lot of the guys who asked girls to start playing their games later regretted it.

I always considered taking up Halo ever since Patrick asked me to learn many, many years ago (when it was “Combat Evolved”), but I didn’t because I have an addictive personality and I thought if I started, I’d never be able to stop.

I’m still thinking about it, though.

Anyway here are the articles [with commentary]. (Try to overlook the stereotypical and often sexist themes because without these dialecticisms and exaggerations, there would be no point to these articles.)

#1: How to get your girlfriend into gaming

If you want to turn your lady friend into a gaming fan, here’s some advice from Xbox Live community manager Christa Phillips: Don’t be a jerk.

Sounds obvious enough, but the statement earned knowing laughs and enthusiastic applause from the standing-room-only crowd gathered for the “How to Get Your Girlfriend Into Gaming” panel at the Penny Arcade gaming convention in Seattle recently.

Seems some of you game-playing gents like to throw the controller, use four-letter words and ignore company when you’re immersed in a video game. And that’s just no way to convince your sweetie to forego date night for a little co-op “Castle Crashers.” “The game becomes the enemy, like sports,” said Phillips.

[This applies to non-gaming situations too. By not being a jerk, you could probably get your girlfriend to do a lot of things.]

The five girl-gamer panelists had other advice for the audience of 100-plus: Don’t impose your favorite game on your gal pal. “Girlfriends may not be into ‘Halo,’ but they might like something else, so don’t force ‘Halo’ on them and expect them to love gaming,” said Cori Roberts, editor of Gameinatrix.com.

Davin Loh, a freelance writer from Chicago, has been down that road. His girlfriend played “Halo” for five minutes and got dizzy. He came to the panel to get tips on how to get her into games other than “Rock Band” and “Elite Beat Agents.” (It’s worth noting that said girlfriend, Aleen Lee, trucked across the country to attend PAX — and the panel — with her beau.) She countered that she’s not opposed to gaming at all — she’s just busy with her job as an attorney. “When I do have free time, I don’t want to be blowing things up,” she said.

There’s definitely more to games than blowing things up, said panel participants. Your wife may not want to score headshots in “Gears of War,” but she might dig playing “Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix.” Licensed properties such as “Harry Potter” or “Spider-Man” may earn an eye-roll from the hard-core gaming crowd, but “name recognition can hook people,” said panelist Jane Pinckard, editor of GameGirlAdvance.

[I think headshots are awesome. I even like guns iRL.]

Here’s another idea: Play co-op. Many games have a cooperative mode, where you and a buddy can tackle missions as a duo. Or if that’s still too intimidating, have your girlfriend sit with you and watch while you game. Heck, you can even ask her to be your wingman, said Phillips.

“Ask her to help you spot snipers,” she said. “Chicks like flattery. If she feels like she’s helping, then you’re making it a positive experience.”

[Arguable. Backseat gaming can be distracting and irritating, but from my observations of 110 (=p), the actual players tend to like the help (as long as you know what you’re talking about).]

So, what are some other good games for noobs? Internet casual games — which are popular with the female set — are a great entrée into the video-game world. Some are just online versions of offline games, such as poker and Sudoku, and still others are variations of well-known themes, such as match games and hidden-object puzzles.

[Yeah, these are fun.]

And, of course, everyone gave props to Nintendo for making gaming more inclusive. Heck, Carrie Underwood has a pink DS, right? And the Wii made being a gamer as easy as operating a TV remote.

[Man, Carrie Underwood and pink. The marketers totally pegged me.]

But plenty of audience members — who lined up to ask advice as though the panel were a live-action “Loveline” session — wanted to know how to turn their Wii-fan woman into a harder-core gamer. And another common lament: My girl games, but won’t identify herself as a gamer. How do I get her to cop to it?

[Girls who game will call themselves gamers as soon as guys who shop call themselves shoppers.]

Good luck, said the panelists. Until recently, the vast majority of gamers were young boys, and games were considered toys. There’s still a stigma attached to gaming — and that’s not going to change overnight.

But Nicole Tanner, moderator of the panel and PR director at game company Foundation 9, said the gamer label isn’t important. “Playing the game is what counts, not identifying as a gamer.”
© 2008 MSNBC Interactive



#2: How to Stop Your Girlfriend from Gaming

And you thought playing Halo 3 together would bring you closer...

Convincing our girlfriends to play video games sounded like a great idea. Turns out, it was more of a curse than a blessing. She hogs the Xbox, "accidentally" spoils endings of games and calls us idiots for using an attack spell instead of a health potion.

If your girl has kicked you off the couch, these 10 tips will help you reclaim your sacred game controller.

DISCLAIMER: Your girlfriend is probably smarter than you so proceed with caution. GameDaily is not responsible for any physical or emotional pain this may cause you and all parties involved.

Tell her it's broken
Since Xbox 360s seem to break every five minutes, now is a great time to use Microsoft's hardware bumbling to your advantage. Tell her your system went belly up because of the infamous red rings of death. Make it sound really technical and they'll grow tired and accept your rant as fact.
If you don't have a 360, make something up or pull from old news stories, rambling on about some bizarre dust issue with the Wii. Just keep her away from the power buttons and you'll be fine. If she works for a store that sells video games (and reads up on this stuff), you're screwed.

[If you’re trying to pass off your perfectly fine 360 as broken to me, you’re screwed. I do technical. Actually Greg’s 360 really did show the red ring of death. I was sad for 110 and its visitors, but while the 360 was gone, I’m sure everyone’s productivity went up at least a little.]

Put the controllers down your pants
As much as your girlfriend loves (at least we hope) what your mom and dad gave you, she most likely wants nothing to do with any unwashed man parts. If you're in a tug of war with controllers, shove it down your pants and then put them back on the table. It's sort of like licking something to claim it. If that doesn't work, show her how you can play Wii by holding the controller between your cheeks – and not the ones on your face.

[If you would be forever weirded out and scarred by your girlfriend going in and fishing out the controller, then don’t attempt this. If you can’t take it, don’t dish it out. And for the record, I’m not saying I would.]

Cover everything in germs
We love playing games when we're sick because that's about all we can do, aside from infect everyone else. So as a general rule of thumb, no sane person should touch someone else's germ infested controller. If your gal is overenthusiastic about gaming, make a point to sneeze (fake it, if you have to) all over your DualShock 3 whenever she visits.

[Lame. That controller is germ-infested with or without the fake sneeze. Girls who want to play will man up, so to speak.]

"Accidentally" erase her save file
Look, computers screw up all the time. Xbox 360s break, hard drives turn into bricks (we told you not to upload that Kim Kardashian sex tape) and files have a nasty habit of disappearing like snitching Mafioso. If she's really obsessed, it's time to delete her game saves. Be sure to erase some files from games you no longer play so you can share in her misery. Damn, and we were so close to finishing Vampire Rain. What? You lost your Oblivion save file? That sucks.

[In the words of Miss Sassy Girl, “Wanna die?” Don’t EVER erase my save file. If you do, I just might game harder – with a vengeance – to get back to where I was, and you'll never get to play.]

Trick her into playing a handheld
If you're a great actor, you have a chance at convincing her that this new game you purchased for your portable system of choice is super amazing. If she's addicted to cute stuff, keep in mind that Kirby Super Star Ultra for DS is right around the corner.

[Who says you can't keep up with two (or more) games on two (or more) different consoles, especially if one is portable? I played "Resident Evil: Director's Cut" at home and "Pokemon Yellow" out. And on top of that, girls can multi-task.]

Give her a nice big smooch
If the thought of watching her play Eternal Sonata for the next 15 hours makes you dizzy, attempt to interrupt her play time with a kiss. If you pull this off, she may drop the controller and play some games... in the bedroom. If you're a stereotypical guy, you'll pass out afterwards and it won't matter what she plays.

[Lol, guys will use any excuse. Sure you’re trying to get us to stop gaming.]

Take her out
Not everything you do has to be annoying and underhanded. Even we need a break from playing video games, so stop worrying about her new obsession and take her out to dinner, a movie or on a day trip. Be romantic. Tell her how much she means to you. Who knows, maybe you'll get lucky if she hasn't caught on to your scheming. (Psst... she already has.)

[Do this anyway, please.]

Tell her enough is enough
Perhaps it's best to just talk to your girlfriend and let her know that you need to split up the gaming. Whether this involves passing the controller back and forth or playing in shifts is up to you, but if she truly cares about you then she'll understand. If she doesn't, well, it's time to take drastic measures, such as....

[A gaming DTR, ahaha.]

Dump her
Let's face it, you tried to introduce your girlfriend to the world of video games, and it backfired. She doesn't want to share, you can't remember the controls to your favorite game and all other attempts to communicate your frustration have been about as successful as Bowser holding onto Princess Peach. Just chalk this up as a failed science project and reboot. -Chris Buffa

[If you dump your gf over video games that YOU introduced her to, you deserve to have your Halo 3 cd scratched. Just saying.]

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Still want me to play? ;)